Chapter 5 - The Guardian Angel

I was sitting in my office at the hospital, just finishing up my paperwork following my pediatric outpatient clinic before heading on home, when I was surprised to look up and see Carrick standing in the doorway. 

“Hello, darling, this is a surprise. What brings you here?”

My husband rarely comes to my office, so this was a highly unusual event, and I felt an immediate niggle of worry, especially when I saw how serious he was looking.

“I wanted to catch you before you left for home.  Grace, there’s something you need to know, and I didn’t want to tell you over the phone.”

I got up and went over to him, worried by his words.

“What on earth is the matter, Carrick? You’re scaring me now.”

He looked into my face, gripped my shoulders and took a deep breath.

“There’s no easy way to say this, my love. I’ve just had a call from Andrea, Christian’s PA. It seems that he flew down to Portland with his assistant Ros today in his helicopter, and…”

Carrick’s voice faltered and I could see that he was struggling to maintain his composure.

“What? What’s happened to Christian.....” my voice dropped to a horrified whisper.

“He was due back by three this afternoon at the latest, according to his flight plan. It’s now nearly six, and there’s no sign of him. It seems his helicopter has gone missing.”

“Missing? But they don't know for sure that he’s actually crashed? Maybe he’s just landed somewhere?”

“Yes, that’s possible, so the search and rescue teams are out looking right now, but it’ll be getting dark shortly, so if they don't find him soon…”

“Oh, God, Carrick. Our poor boy…Christian could be dead, he could be lying critically injured somewhere….what if they don't find him…”

Carrick caught me as I sagged and nearly collapsed, a huge sob escaping from me as I burst into tears.

“Hush, now Grace, we don't know for sure it’s that bad. There’s still hope. As you say, he might just have landed somewhere remote and hasn’t got a signal for his cell. It might just be that simple.”

“Of course you’re right. I’m sorry, I must pull myself together,” I said, as I took a Kleenex from my purse, wiped my eyes, and blew my nose. Going to pieces was not going to help anyone, was it?

“The thing is…Andrea says the press has already gotten hold of the story somehow, and so they’re being hounded for details. They’re doing their best to hold them off, but she says it’s only a matter of time before the news breaks on TV. She thinks it would be best if we told the rest of the family before that happens.”

“Yes, of course, that makes a lot of sense. I’m fine now, really, so let’s get organized. You call Elliot, and I’ll call Mia. And Anastasia, of course! What about Ana, she mustn’t find out about this from the news, must she?”

“Exactly.  But we don't have her cell number, and she’ll have left work by now, so I’m not sure how to get hold of her.”

“Elliot. When you speak to him, he’ll know how to make contact with her, because Kate is her best friend.”

And so we rallied the family round, deciding it would be best if we congregated together in one place, where it would be easier to keep everyone in the picture regarding the latest information, although we persuaded my parents not to make the journey into town, promising to let them know the moment we had any news or updates.

Carrick managed to contact Taylor, who returned immediately from a family crisis concerning his daughter that had called him away earlier in the day – apparently that situation had been happily resolved as it turned out to have been some sort of a false alarm.
It was agreed that it would be best to use Christian’s apartment as the central base, with Taylor’s office as the communication hub, because of all the specialist communication equipment it apparently had.

Elliot with Kate, and her brother Ethan arrived, bringing Ana with them, along with a friend who was visiting, a young man called José. We collected Mia on our way in, so that was all the family gathered together.

Mia was adamant that Christian would be back safe and well.

“I’d know if something really bad had happened to him, I’d just know. So he will be back, I’m telling you all,” she bravely insisted as the hours ticked by and there was still no news.

“Of course, darling,” I tried to smile. But a nasty, horrid little voice kept going round in my head. You’re never going to see him again. He’s not going to see his twenty eighth birthday. You will never see your son again. Christian is dead. Your beautiful boy has gone. No more birthdays for him.

I tried to ignore that horrid voice, but every time I sat down, it was all I could hear, so I couldn’t settle. I just couldn't sit still. Carrick coped by keeping himself busy with Taylor in his office, as they tried to find out from the authorities what the latest situation was. Apparently  the last known contact from Christian was when he radioed in to Air Traffic Control to ask for permission to fly close to Mount St Helens, not long after he’d taken off, which was granted. There was no reported volcanic activity that would have caused any problems for the helicopter. After that, nothing more was heard from him, no Mayday, no distress call, nothing. It was a complete mystery.

 I wandered in and out of that room and every other room too. Kate, as an aspiring journalist, seemed fascinated to watch events unfurling on the news reports on TV. I couldn’t bear to see the banner headline ‘Christian Grey Missing’ going round and round, so I left her to it.

Apparently Taylor was extremely frustrated at not being able to track either Ros or Christian’s cell, due to the lack of signal in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest area, where it was likely the helicopter had gone down. I also overheard Taylor explaining to Carrick that he was mystified that there was no tracking signal from the locator device that apparently was fixed to the helicopter. If only that had been emitting a signal as it should have been, then it would have made the job of the search and rescue teams so much easier. 

“It could possibly mean one of three things, Mr. Grey,” I heard him explaining. “Either it’s faulty, or it’s missing, or….” Taylor hesitated when he noticed me standing there listening in.

“Or what?” I insisted.

“It could have been totally destroyed as a result of a very high impact crash,” he said quietly.

I couldn’t bear to even contemplate the implications of what Taylor was saying. The thought of my son’s helicopter plummeting out of the sky and smashing into tiny pieces….

Another low point was when the authorities announced they were calling off the search for the day because it was too dark to continue. It meant there was no realistic hope of any news until the morning, and I felt the spirits of everyone in the room sink. But no one felt like going home, or going to bed to try to get some sleep.

That Anastasia was in a state of shock became apparent when I saw her shivering and shaking and realized she was freezing cold. She had been unable to do more than shake or nod her head ever since she’d arrived. She’d just sat there, her arms wrapped about herself, gently rocking, lost in her own thoughts.

“I think we need to watch over Ana,” I whispered to Mia, thinking it was best to concentrate on doing something positive to try and help where we could. “She’s in a terrible state even if she isn’t wailing and weeping.”

“Come and sit by the fire, my dear,” I urged her, while Mia fetched a blanket and put it around the poor girl’s shoulders, and Elliot messed around with the fire to get it to turnout some extra heat to try and warm her up.

I think Mia was glad to have something to do. I’d noticed her talking with Kate’s brother Ethan several times over the course of the evening. Ever since he’d stepped in at short notice to take her to lunch when Ana had to drop out, Mia hadn’t stopped talking about him. She liked him, that much was obvious. And what Mia wants, Mia usually gets. But how he felt about her was less apparent. So I would be watching what developed there with great interest, and at least he seemed like a decent young man.

“I’ll make her a nice hot tea,” Mrs. Jones offered when she saw us trying to get Ana warm.

She had been a marvel, getting everyone hot drinks, and sandwiches, although no one had much appetite. I understood that she needed to keep busy, to feel useful. I’ve always really liked her, because I can tell that she genuinely cares about my son, in a kind motherly way, and that she really enjoys looking after him. And watching how concerned she was about Ana, I realized that she was also very fond of her employer’s girlfriend. No doubt she too had noticed the change she has brought about in him, and it seemed that she also thoroughly approved of their budding relationship.

The young boy José watched Ana constantly, and I suspected that he was probably rather keen on her. I seemed to recall Kate mentioning something about Ana meeting up with him when they were all over at our place for dinner that time, and how Christian’s face had glowered with what was most likely jealousy. But for now, I thought he was just trying to be a supportive friend at a very difficult time for her, because José was by Ana’s side in an instant when he saw her break down and finally start sobbing, holding her hand and asking if she wanted to call her parents. Ana just shook her head and clutched his hand tightly.  It was obvious that she was completely distraught because of how deeply she cared for my son.

“This is so unfair!” I ranted at the Almighty. “After everything my darling boy endured as a child, now that he has just begun to come out of his shell, has just discovered the joy of love, this has to happen! Why? What has he ever done to deserve this?”

Still feeling restless, I went over to the boys as they stood together by the breakfast bar, and darling Elliot gave me a wonderful, comforting big hug, because he is just the kindest, sweetest natured boy.  Of course, my eldest son has never had any issues with physical contact or showing affection and it was just the best feeling as he held me tightly. But it was also a bittersweet feeling, because it made me realize that I might never get to achieve my long term goal and ambition to get the chance to enjoy a similar big hug from my younger son.

It has always been my dream that one day Christian would finally feel able to open up, to let his barriers down enough to allow me to hug him properly. All he gives or receives at the moment is a quick peck on the cheek, and a brief touch on his arm. Even better, I’ve always hoped that maybe one day, unforced and of his own free will, Christian would just come up and hug me.

He used to get hysterically upset if I tried to hug him when he was a little boy, so even though it broke my heart, I learned to hold back and respect his phobias. It was even worse if Carrick ever tried to cuddle him, our poor boy was even more terrified of any kind of physical contact with him.  But recently, seeing how much he’s changed for the better since he’s met Anastasia had finally given me hope. Now that hope was dashed. He was missing. He could very well be dead. The longer things went on, the less likely it was that there would be a happy ending. I was never going to get the chance to hold Christian to me, and now I wondered if perhaps I should have tried harder while I still had the chance. Perhaps we’d fallen into a set pattern and I’d given up trying after being rejected so many times. But as his mother, I should never give up, should I? Perhaps it was my fault for allowing him to stick to his established behaviors. Perhaps I should have been more challenging. Now it looked as though I would never get the chance to try to break through with him again.

It got to be well past eleven, and as midnight approached, I worked out that Christian had been missing for eight hours. He might have been lying in agony somewhere for eight whole hours, as his life slowly drained away.  Or he might have been dead for eight whole hours. I tried to work out how long it would be until dawn, when they could send out the rescue teams again, but my mind was too fuzzy and tired to do the math.

I was just wondering if I should suggest that Ana go and lie down and try to get some rest, when I looked up and thought I saw an apparition.

Standing there in the entrance was my son. It took all of about three seconds for me to realize that this was no apparition. By some miracle Christian was right here, large as life, with his shoes and socks in his hands, looking totally bemused.

I didn’t hesitate.

I shrieked out his name and went running towards him.


I didn’t hold back. I launched myself at him and fervently hugged and kissed him. My son had just been returned to me from the dead. So there was no question about it. He was going to be hugged and kissed whether he liked it or not.


“I thought I’d never see you again,” I cried emotionally, as I threw my arms around his neck, bracing myself for him to push me away after a couple of seconds, as such close contact would be unbearable to him. But he didn’t.

“Mom, I’m here,” he reassured me.

“I died a thousand deaths today,” I whispered, before I started sobbing uncontrollably in relief.  

And then another miracle happened. Christian actually hugged me back. And he continued to hug me as he gently rocked me. It was wonderful. I might have forced his hand just a little by launching myself at him, but Christian was unquestionably hugging me back. The worst day of my life had just turned into one of the best days.

Then I heard Carrick yelling "He’s alive! Shit – you’re here!” as he appeared from Taylor’s office clutching his cell phone. Then he and Mia both came over to start hugging our boy as well. And then it seemed that everyone was crying and laughing and hugging, so happy to get Christian back because we all loved him so very much.

Finally Carrick pulled away, and I think even he was wiping a tear away as he clapped our son on the back.

Then I started to recollect myself. I’m not usually given to such wild outbursts, but I think it was excusable under the circumstances.

However, I wanted some answers now that I’d gotten over the initial shock.

“Where were you? What happened?”

All that worry, and all those terrible thoughts, and now he was here, in the flesh. I couldn’t help it – I started crying again from sheer relief.

“Mom, I’m here. I’m good. It’s just taken me a hell of a long time to get back from Portland. What’s with the welcoming committee?”

Even as Christian was trying to explain to us what had happened, and reassuring us that he was fine, I could see that he was anxiously scanning the room, obviously looking for Anastasia. Then I saw him frown when he finally saw her, because he instantly noticed José holding her hand.

That my son is the jealous type is blindingly obvious, which is so silly of him. If he’d seen how utterly devastated Ana had been when we feared the worst, he would have known how irrational he was being. Surely as he saw her with tears pouring down her face, he would understand that she was totally in love with him, and had eyes for no one else. He had no reason whatsoever to be jealous in any way.

As he spoke, it became obvious that it clearly hadn’t even occurred to Christian that we would all be so worried about him when he didn't return, and so he hadn't bothered to stop on his way back to call one of us to put us out of our torment. Men! They can be so thoughtless at times. So his cell was dead - call collect then!

“Oh Christian! Don’t you ever do that to me again! Do you understand?” I yelled at him in frustration.

“Yes, Mom,” he said but as he hugged me again and gently wiped my tears away, of course he was forgiven. It felt so amazingly wonderful to be hugged by him after all these years of restraint between us. It was almost, but not quite, almost worth all the worry we’d just been through.

But Mia was not quite so forgiving of his thoughtlessness. She slapped him hard on his chest as he went to hug her too.

“You had us all so worried,” she yelled at him, before bursting into tears as she hugged him.

“I'm here now, for heaven’s sake,” he muttered, clearly bemused.

Carrick peeled Mia from her brother, then put a comforting arm around both of us, as Mia and I sobbed and laughed at the same time.

Elliot had been waiting his moment. He had been a tower of strength all evening, even though I knew he’d been desperately worried about his brother the whole time. He’d also been so sweet the way he’d solicitously looked after Ana when he brought her in to us and settled her down on the sofa, although I think she hardly noticed what was going on around her to be honest.

“Great to see you,” Elliot said very loudly, probably to cover up the fact that he was pretty choked up,  as he gave Christian a proper big man hug and slapped him on the back.

I looked over to see that Kate was now comforting Ana, although I privately thought she had been rather thoughtless the way she’d kept wandering off a lot of the time to see what was happening on the TV, rather than staying with her friend. Luckily José had been there with Ana, doing his best to be helpful and considerate.

But the time came when I think Christian had had enough of his family.

“I’m going to say hi to my girl now,” he stated, as he stared longingly over at her.  The look of love.

I glanced up at Carrick and we both smiled, delighted to see this look. As he started to walk towards Ana, she leaped to her feet and literally threw herself at him.

“Christian,” she sobbed, clearly beside herself with relief.

“Hush,” Christian comforted her, closing his eyes as he clutched her to him as if his very life depended on it.

It was very touching to see their reunion. No one who witnessed them could possibly be in any doubt that this was a young couple deeply in love. It was a wonderful moment, made all the more poignant because just a few short moments ago, it had seemed to be an impossibility.

The young lovers whispered to each other and gazed into each other’s eyes, kissing and touching each other, totally oblivious to the rest of the word around them.

I squeezed Carrick’s hand as we both looked on in a sort of a trance, almost unable to believe what we were witnessing.

“They really do love each other,” I whispered to him, grinning broadly.

“I know,” he whispered back, grinning just as broadly.

“Are you okay?” Ana asked Christian anxiously, as she ran her hands all over him.

He lets her touch him – everywhere. I glanced over at Carrick again, and he squeezed my hand to let me know he’d noticed this too. This was more than we’d ever dreamed possible for our boy.

They simply couldn’t bear to let each other go, as they cuddled up together. Christian very firmly tucked Ana under his arm, and let Mrs. Jones get him something to eat and drink rather than have to let go of his precious girl. Of course Mrs. Jones was more than happy to oblige, as she hastily wiped her eyes and hurried off to the kitchen to get him a nice cold Budvar to start with. 

“So what the fuck happened to you? First I knew was when Dad called me to say the chopper was missing,” Elliot wanted to know.

“Helicopter,” Christian corrected him, as Elliot grinned back.

“Elliot!” I exclaimed. His brother hadn’t been back for five minutes before he had to start with his old tricks, trying to wind Christian up to get a rise out of him.

His helicopter was one of the first things Christian bought himself when he entered the super-rich league, and to be honest he was a tad precious about it. He’s always been fascinated by helicopters, and it was a dream come true for him to have his very own personal helicopter to fly. It meant he’d achieved one of his first major goals, and I think it was his way of proving to himself that he had made it. Always a stickler for detail, he insisted on correcting Elliot every time he referred to it as a chopper, because apparently that is not an acceptable term in the flying world. Of course that was like a red rag to a bull for Elliot, and he had to take it a stage further by using the term chopper to crudely refer to a certain part of his male anatomy. In the past I’ve asked Carrick to have a word with Elliot about it, but he always just laughs, and says boys will be boys.

But tonight, I think this was just Elliot’s rather clumsy way of getting things back onto a more normal footing with his brother, after being so scared that he’d lost him forever.
Christian noticed Taylor quietly hovering in the background, so he raised his beer to him by way of an acknowledgment. They spoke briefly about organizing the collection of the helicopter, agreeing it could be left until the morning.

Behind the ever present professional man of steel front, I knew Taylor had been desperately worried today about his young employer. I think he had probably aged about ten years, because he felt terrible for not having been around when the whole crisis initially kicked off, even though Carrick had tried to assure him that of course he’d had no option but to go when his young daughter was rushed to hospital, and that there was no way anyone could have predicted what was going to happen today.  So I wasn’t surprised to see a very rare smile crease Taylor’s face to see Christian safely returned.

I believe a special and unique bond exists between these two men, even though they may not even realize it, but I can clearly see it. That’s why Taylor always goes above and beyond the call of duty for Christian, and why I feel reassured that he will always do his utmost to protect my son. Of course Carrick thinks I'm just being sentimental if ever I mention it, but I know I'm right, and I would bet that Gail Jones is aware of it too. But tonight Taylor didn’t linger once he’d seen for himself the evidence that Christian was indeed safely back. He disappeared again, no doubt not wishing to encroach on our family reunion, although I'm sure none of us would have minded. Perhaps he felt the need for a stiff drink, and who could blame him if he did?

I was glad to see that Christian remembered his manners and was at least polite to José when they spoke a few words, as I thought he had been a good friend to Ana, supporting her the way he did in her hour of need, more so than Kate, to be honest. I don't think she’s the type of girl who has a lot of patience. I think she’d rather be in the thick of the action, rather than be left quietly holding someone’s hand.

Of course now we all wanted to find out what on earth had happened, so as Christian sat on the couch with Ana safely tucked up next to him, he filled us in. She sat staring at him, gripping his hand tightly the whole time he was speaking, drinking his presence in as if she couldn’t believe he was actually here. I have to say I knew exactly how she felt.

He told us how he was flying back from a very successful meeting at WSU with Ros, his number two, and they decided to make a detour to look at Mount St. Helens by way of a small celebration because Ros hadn’t seen it before. As they were flying low to view it, a fire broke out in the tail, so he’d had no option but to cut all the electronics and land by Silver Lake.

“A fire? Both engines? But I thought…” Carrick quizzed him.

He has a knack of cutting to the chase, quickly honing in on the most important facts - that’s one of the reasons he’s such a great lawyer. I could already see the cogs turning in his brain as he started to piece together what had happened to our son.

“I know. It was sheer luck I was flying so low,” Christian murmured.

I noticed Ana shiver, as I did, because we were both thinking what a close call Christian had had. He put his arm around Ana when he felt her shiver, concerned that she was feeling cold. So sweet.

Kate seemed to want to know all the gory details, in just the way an inquisitive journalist would.

“How did you put out the fire?” she demanded.

“Extinguisher. We have to carry them – by law,” Christian calmly replied.

“Why didn’t you call or use the radio?” I asked next.

That’s what was bugging me – the lack of communication, especially as he hadn’t even contacted Ana. That’s what had made me certain he really was in trouble – he might not think about his family a lot of the time, but he sure as hell thinks about his Ana, so if he called anyone it would have been her, I reasoned.  But in any case, surely he’d realize how worried we’d all be under the circumstances? He disappeared in his helicopter, for crying out loud. All this worry could have been avoided if he had made just one brief call. So why didn’t he?

Christian patiently explained that he couldn’t risk switching on the electrics to use the radio because of the risk of fire. So then he and Ros had to navigate their way to the nearest road using their cell phones, which took a while because Ros was in heels. By the time they reached an area where they might have had a signal, both their cell batteries had died.

Hearing all the details of their struggles to get back was quite sobering, and as Ana hugged Christian again, he responded by casually pulling her onto his lap, where she snuggled right up against his chest as he rested his chin on her head. They looked totally comfortable and perfectly at ease with each other, and this was obviously normal behavior for them.

It was a revelation to me, and to everyone else. We had never seen him act like this before, not even with Mia, who has always been very close to him. I almost felt as if we were intruding, but Christian didn’t seem in the least bit worried that we were seeing them like this. He acted as if it was perfectly normal to see him being so affectionate towards another human being, allowing such close physical contact. My son, acting normally. With his girlfriend. Normal. Hallelujah. No longer a lone soul. No longer lonely.

“How did you get back to Seattle?” I still wanted to know.

Christian explained they had hitched a ride back, how a truck driver had stopped and agreed to bring them home, and how he had shared his lunch with them, but refused any payment. Hearing that there are still genuine, decent people out there, who are prepared to do a good turn and not expect anything back in return, restored some of my faith in humanity. But it transpired that this kind truck driver didn’t have a cell they could borrow, which was Christian’s excuse for not calling.

“Took forever to drive back. And he didn’t have a cell – weird but true. I just didn’t realize…”
“That we’d worry? Oh Christian, we’ve been going out of our minds!”

Did he truly have no idea of how much we cared about him? Was he that closed off from us?

“You’ve made the news, bro,” Elliot informed him.

“Yeah. I figured that much when I arrived to this reception and the handful of photographers outside. I'm sorry Mom. I should have asked the driver to stop so I could phone. But I was anxious to be back,” he explained, as his gaze came to rest on José, unwittingly giving away the reason why he was in such a hurry that he wouldn’t even stop for a few minutes to make a call.

Silly, jealous, insecure boy. I guess he overreacted because Ana is his first girlfriend, and I have to remember that this is his first sexual relationship. He’s probably finding such feelings overwhelming, especially after being in such an emotional and physical vacuum for the whole of his previous life. No wonder Ana found him intense and I could maybe understand why she had felt the need for some space away from him, following Elena’s disclosure to me about their short break up last week. That was probably another factor in making Christian so possessive about Ana too. My poor complicated son. But looking at them together now, there didn’t seem to be anything to worry about. Ana was still having bouts of crying.

“Hey. Stop with the crying,” I heard him say to her, as he tried to wipe her tears away.

“Stop with the disappearing,” Ana retorted, which made Christian smile. And my darling boy has such a beautiful smile. I’m hopeful that we are going to see a lot more of his happy smiling face in future, thanks to dear Anastasia.

“Electrical failure…that’s odd, surely?” Carrick said again, and I sighed to myself, because I knew he was going to be like a dog with a bone, worrying about this until he got some answers.

“Yes, crossed my mind too, Dad. But right now, I’d just like to go to bed and think about all that shit tomorrow,” Christian replied wearily.

“So the media know that the Christian Grey has been found safe and well?” Kate probed.
“Yes. Andrea and my PR people will deal with the media. Ros called her after we dropped her home.”

“Yes, Andrea called me to let me know you were still alive,” Carrick smiled.

I know he was very grateful to Andrea for ensuring that our family had been put in the picture before everything had kicked off in the media, and that she’d handled matters very efficiently and tactfully. I remembered reading a newspaper article about Christian a while back, where he stated that he attributed a large part of his success to surrounding himself with the best possible staff.  Seeing how everyone had pulled together today in a time of crisis, I had no doubt this was true.

“I must give that woman a raise,” Christian commented.

But I was sure it came down to much more than paying decent money to his staff. I thought my son would be surprised to discover the incredible level of loyalty and support he had personally earned from his staff, which had been so apparent today.

“Sure is getting late,” Christian murmured next, as he tightened his grip on his girl. Of course. He wants to be alone with his sweetheart.

“I think that’s a hint, ladies and gentlemen, that my dear bro needs his beauty sleep,” Elliot leered rather suggestively. He really can be rather tactless at times, especially as I saw Christian grimace.

But he was right. It was time for us to leave them together.

“Cary, my son is safe. You can take me home now,” I declared to my wonderful husband. He had also died a thousand deaths tonight, yet he never stopped working, ceaselessly bombarding the authorities, to ensure no effort was spared in their endeavors to find our son. And I knew he wouldn’t be able to rest easy until he’d got some answers as to why the helicopter had suffered such a severe malfunction.

“Yes. I think we could use the sleep,” he agreed, as he smiled down at me.

“Stay,” Christian sweetly offered, but I knew he was just being polite.

“No, sweetheart, I want to get home. Now that I know you’re safe.”

Our work here was done. We had to let him and Ana enjoy their reunion in private. And we had birthday party preparations to get busy with in the morning.

Christian stood up to say his goodbyes, reluctantly letting go of Ana for now.

I hugged him again, actually resting my head against his chest, as I closed my eyes in sheer bliss, and he even hugged me back too. I would remember this night for many reasons, but the melting of my heart by my son for finally allowing me touch him would be the most memorable.

“I was so worried, darling,” I whispered.

“I’m okay, Mom.” He hugged me a little harder.

I studied him, and then looked over at Ana. I felt a slow smile spread over my face, because here was the reason my boy had finally started to come alive. She was the reason I had finally got to hold him so closely. And I had no doubt that she would continue to help him grow and develop now that she'd found her way to his heart. All because of the wonderful pure healing love they shared, which had shone out so brightly tonight.

“Yes. I think you are,” I said contentedly.

Maybe the same guardian angel who had ensured that I was the receiving doctor on duty at Michigan’s Children’s Hospital on the day that Christian was brought in, had also ensured that Anastasia would be the one to drive up from WSU to interview him and capture his heart. Maybe that same guardian angel had brought him safely back down today. Maybe Ella was watching over her son, maybe that was the penance she'd been given to make up for her terrible neglect of him during her time on this earth. 
Of course I kept these thoughts to myself,  because I knew that Carrick would think I was completely insane.


I don’t own any of the Fifty Shades Trilogy or the characters therein. They belong to E L James. I’m just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legal’s page for further details. This work is not to be copied or reproduced in any way without permission. 


  1. Thx. As always, you have done an astounding job capturing the thoughts and feelings of those involved during this particular time of Grey crisis. You never fail to capture an emotion or interrept the characters in ways that I was unable to imagine. And I have been lucky that it is posted at around midnight (CST, U.S.) so its always the last thung I read before crawling into bed and it gives pause for more thought thru the weekend. Thank you again for your hard work and dedication.


    1. Apologies forany typos. I am using a Pad and tend to make more errors when I do


  2. I love this chapter. Christian and Ana's reunion is something I have been dying to see from Grace's point of view. You did not disappoint. I particularly loved her reaction to Ana touching Christian.
    One thing, I assume you meant you would be updating on Friday the 25th, not the 5th. You might want to change this to avoid confusion.

    1. Thanks, Bella. I've amended the date to the 25th now :)

  3. Great writing for Grace's POV. Can't wait for more.

  4. One last comment, and I promise I will leave you alone...I just love Grace's innocent musings about Ana being Christian's first relationship and having never experienced sex before. Isn't she about to have the surprise of her life in about 24 hours. The only thing I can think of is Grace is about to go 'all MaMa Bear to protect her cub'...Not sure if that is something we only say over here on the other side of the pond, but Grace is the quinessiential MaMa Cub and look out when her cubs are in danger....


    1. Oh yes, Grace is most certainly the big bad MaMa Bear when it comes to her kids. I think next weeks chapter is going to be a revelation to her in so many ways.

  5. Thank you for another brilliant chapter, I totally enjoyed your take from grace's pov.

  6. I was headed to bed when this chapter came into my email.. Needless to say, i'll be working on a little less sleep tomorrow, but sooooo worth it.. Thanks!!!!

  7. Wow that was great. Can't wait for next one' I think I know what's coming next

  8. I love ready Graces POV,I love reading whats going on in their minds, well done again
    Chez xx

  9. I Love reading Graces pov. Thank you for a wonderful chapter it was amazing the way you have capture the way Graces feels about christian and ana. Thank you cannt wait for next Friday xxx

  10. That was wonderful. Thanks so much. Love hearing Graces's pov. She really loves her boy and she can see the change Ana has made in his life. I like that she acknowledges that about Ana. I like that she likes her. Another great chapter.

    1. Yes, Mal. I think one of the great things about Grace is that she is not jealous of Ana as some potential mother in law's are. She welcomes her with open arms because she can see that she makes Christian happy, and that's all she's ever wanted for her son.

  11. Thankyou for a wonderful chapter,you write Grace's POV perfectly,you captured her thoughts on maybe not seeing her son again so well and i did smile at her thoughts that this is Christians first sexual relationship.Looking forward to the next chapter so much. x x

  12. Kudos, Kudos, Kudos. You are absolutely brilliant! You leave no feeling or thought unanswered in your POV writings for Dr. Grace or Christian. I am so thankful that you made the decision to pick up the gauntlet to carry on!!! Brilliant, just Brilliant!!

  13. Oh yes, that was a brilliant suggestion about Ella!! You are so smart!! I feel a little better now about Christian's early years...yes, yes I know that this is fiction, but unfortunately child neglect really does occur more than we know. As a mom of adult sons, I can definitely identify with Dr. Grace in feeling love, worry and affection for my guys as well. Thank you again for an awesome chapter!! Watch out Elena!! Laters, Carol xxoo

    1. Hi Carol. Yes, I think those of us with kids the same ages can really empathize with Grace can't we?

  14. Bravo! I love Grace's POV! I feel Grace's warmth and I it makes Grace such a real person. I am so glad you have decided to continue with these writings! I so look forward Friday and your writings. You make the week go fast. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  15. up at 2AM reading's a ritual. Thanks to you. I hope someday I get to meet you when you are signing your own book(s) for me! And I will pay double what I paid for EL James side.....because it has changed my life.

    1. Thanks, Nancy. Hope you can catch up on your sleep and not feel too tired :)

  16. u are a brilliant author, cant wait to read ur books. i know EL James would be proud of ur works on christian POV. Awesome writing
    ps.......i think i enjoyed Christian POV more than the original books....haha

    1. I have to agree with you. You are truly a talented writer. I look forward the the next chapter, and of course, book 3. I may love these more than the originals as well.

  17. Hi - absolutely love Grace's POV. I am also glad you mentioned Kate being rather uninterested in Ana and just kept her eye on the TV. I didn't really like Kate in the books - I just thought she was a really selfish girl. I know she cared for Ana but she just seemed more interested in herself.

    Can't wait til next week and see Elena put in her place!


    1. Yes, I think Grace is happy that her son is happy with Kate, but can also see there is quite a hard side to her maybe. Probably what Elliot needs though - someone to keep him in line and lick him into shape!

  18. thankyou for another wonderful chapter its just as good and additive as christians ive posted this link so many times for my friends and family on facebook and now ive got them reading gracies blogg they are all addicted as well thankyou from all of us.

  19. Amazing!!!! Once again you have hit the ball out of the park and scored a grand slam!!! I am in tears! such raw emotion from Grace....and the detail in which you describe not only her connection to Christian but what she see's about his connection with Ana...AWSOME!!!! I cannot wait until next one of your previous commentors I would pay double too for any book you write! Thank you so much for sharing your talent!Can't wait to read next week's chapter!!

  20. wonderful can't wait till Jan 25th Thank you

  21. Hermoso!! mil gracias por regalanarnos tan linda escritura.

  22. Beautiful chapter. I cried, again ruining my keyboard. I loved Grace and Christian's hugging. Surely a mother's love. You are such a great writer. Please publish a book. I know it would be a best seller. Looking forward to chapter six.

    Nan :D

  23. Beautifully written and emotional chapter. I could imagine what Grace must be feeling as she reveled in Christian's hugs for the first time. She tried so hard to heal him with love and tenderness, but he couldn't truly open up until Ana came along. I can't wait until the next entry! Grace will definitely be going on one emotional and wild ride at the birthday party!
    Brenda in NYC

  24. As I read your lovely words today I KNEW you had to be a mother! This is a beautifully written account of the unconditional love a mother feels for her child no matter how old they are.

    I wept as I read about the emotional turmoil within Grace as she waited for Christian. (Not many writers can make me do that.) I actually felt I was Grace as I read about her first hug from Christian. Perfectly written!

    I adore the way you've portrayed the deep feelings Grace has for Anastasia. I would have felt exactly the same way Grace did about her.

    I'm counting the days until the next chapter when Grace really lets Elena have it! I can only imagine how you're going to surprise us with that one. ;)

    Another A+ :)
    Texas Teacher and HUGE fan

  25. Hi Texas teacher. I'll let you into a little secret - basically Grace is me, because like most parents, I've been through all sorts with my kids. Just one example - my daughter was working as an intern in London on the day of the 7/7 bombings,and her tube stop was where the bomb went off. We couldn't get in touch with her for hours as everyone was trying to use their phones, so all the networks crashed. We were lucky - she was running late that day, so hadn't arrived when the bomb went off. She tried to get a bus back, but ended up walking, not knowing that another bomb had gone off in a bus. When she finally got home that night, it was the best present in the world - 7/7 happens to be my birthday. I certainly thanked her guardian angel that night.
    So I guess that's why I find writing Grace just seems to flow a lot of the time, and that's what maturity brings - life experience to draw on. There have to be a few benefits to getting wrinkles and grey hair!

    1. O.M.G. Now I understand how you were able to put yourself into the heart of Grace so perfectly! What a horror it must have been waiting and waiting to hear from your daughter! Not knowing our children are safe is a living nightmare for mothers. Thank God and her guardian angel she made it home safely that day. I can't imagine how relieved you were and how tightly you hugged her that day.

      I love Grace's Blog. To me, as the mother of two daughters, Grace was one of the most interesting characters in the books. I love that you're exploring how difficult it must have been for her to raise a child like Christian. As I read the books I kept wondering how it would feel to have a child who wouldn't allow you to touch them. It would be so heartbreaking! How do you comfort them when they're hurt or sick or show them how much you love them without touching or hugging? It's haunted me to think of it. That's why I cried when I read your lovely words today as she hugged him for the first time. What a joy it was to read!

      One of the saddest parts of the books to me was when Christian told Anastasia how self-sufficient he was as little boy. (This was when she washed his hair the first time, if I recall correctly.) He couldn't recall ever having anyone bathe him or shampoo his hair. Can you imagine a toddler taking total care of himself? Grace must have longed to do these things for him. This flashed into my mind as I read your words about the first hug today.

      Thank you for sharing your life with your writing. I've found my students do their best writing when they write about life experiences and this is a perfect example.

      Texas Teacher :)

  26. bloody fantastic loved this chapter i love graces character you have really made grace come to life the compassion the kindness the unconditional love of a mother cant wait for the next one your proof reading sub heather xxxx

  27. wow, what a great, great chapter. I actually cried while reading....and I never do that! It's wonderful that others see the depth of Christian's love for Ana and that he is, despite his best front, a tender hearted man with jealousies and insecurities.


  28. Thankyou thankyou :)

  29. This is one of the if not the most emotinal chapter i have read on your blog i was in tears Thankyou for bringing the perspective of a mum to me :)

  30. I'm glad to read that I'm not the only teacher absorbing this material and loving it!! I should also say parent of 3. This flows almost like stream of consciousness. This particular chapter was more omniscient than the rest, and I loved it!!! It's amazing what being a parent will do to your world view. I love your mention of divine intervention and guardian angels. I am firm believer in that also. Glad your daughter was okay. That must've felt like time stood still. I think the only time you can truly protect them is in utero!! :) Thanks for another great chapter.

  31. "After that, I will start filling in Christian’s pov for some of the events from Book 3 – Freed."

    Ohhh My Gooddd, This is what I've been waiting for I always check this blog of yours waiting for CPOV from the Freed! ThankyouuuuSoMuch, Can't Wait to readd all of theeemmm.. Yah ! I'd print all of them and planning to put them in a hard bound once it is finish already and re-read them all over again .. I'm so in-love with Christian Grey and I really want to Ian Somerhalder to play the role of Christian and I actually prayed for it He is very good in suit, same as naked. LOL ! Thankyousomuch ! From Philippines Here more power and godbless you !my colleagues will be very much happy if I'll inform them that the Book3 is nearly coming soooon from this blog, They are also one of your avid fan !Huggss and Kisses xoxoxo :* :)

  32. Very touching. I have no way to tell how good you write. You are amazing. I am so eagerly waiting for a month or so of time from after proposal to honeymoon. I felt we were cheated on that part but never mind you are here to give us the missing part with your imagination. I know you will keep it in exact with the jealous, uptight, man of few words Christian. I don't feel he will go out of character, unlike other writings I read.
    Anyway thank you. You are an amazing writer.

  33. I was crying. It was so heart breadking for any mom to have to go through that. So lovely that Grace noticed very little things happing to her Christian. Wonderful as always. Thank you.

  34. Well done, very emotional. So happy for Grace! Loved her POV. Loooking forward to Grace finally learning about Christian's affair with the devil. As always, you are a wonderful writer, leaves me always wanting more. Thank you !
    Lisa x

  35. Very powerful chapter. Especially when it's read as a Mom. :)

  36. what a beautiful and skillfully written chapter. well done!

  37. Beautiful chapter. I was crying as I felt Grace's turmoil even though, of course, I had read both the book and your Christian POV blog before reading this chapter and knew exactly what was going to happen! I really adore your writing - not just what you say, but the rhythm of how you create the emotional environment. THANKS!!

  38. Wow, thanks for continuing with Grace's POV... I have waited sooo long for this, sorry...but really do appreciate;-)...Looking forward to more...

  39. Cried the entire way thru. Loved this ! Thank you!

  40. How sweet of Grace to think that Ella could be Christian's guardian angel. It's so sad that we know so little about what led Ella on this bad path. Poor girl !

  41. this was fantastic. Love reading Grace's pov.

  42. I kinda wish I had joined the party that is celebrating Fifty Shades of Grey sooner. But I'm loving getting caught up now. I absolutely LOVE your writing, and I'm totally hooked on everything you write. I'm even going to check out your original stuff!! :) As for this chapter, my eyes are leaking again. There's nothing in this world like a mother's/parent's love. It's so wonderful to see things from Grace's point of view. I'm loving it all. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your talent with us. <3

    1. Thanks, Lorita. Good to know you're enjoying my writing :)

  43. I Loved the last part where grace says Ella might be the guardian angel caring for Christian now...that is socio sweet and lovely...I just hope Christian understands some day that his mom loved him in her own way and that mother's love don't just vanish after death and that the love keeps you through out your life..


Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment.